Learning About Myself

These are the things I've learned about myself.

1) It is possible I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or I am just very anal.

Here are the reasons why I believe this:

* Last week I was at a friends house playing Scrabble. Every time one of the small tiles was not laying flat on the board's surface I had to fix it. I HAD TO FIX IT. I would stare at it obsessively, I would try not to focus on it, but I couldn't look away and if I managed to do so I was thinking about it. It was haunting me.

* When I am at Blockbuster if I see a movie title and it is not in it's place I feel compelled to put it where it belongs. Key word: COMPELLED.

* When I go to a clothing store and I try on something that I don't like, I will walk back to where I originally picked it up from and put it back. I don't put things in random places. I don't do it to be nice to the sales people--I do it because it seriously bugs the crap out of me that the article of clothing is not where it belongs. Key word: BELONGS.

* My DVDs at home are arranged by genre and then by alphabet.

2) I think I am a CONTROL freak.
Here's why:

* If I could do everything myself I would. Meaning I would cut my own hair, do my own makeup (for special occasions, etc.), sew my own clothes, grow my own food, so on and so forth. I am one of those, you're not doing it right, here let me do that, type of people. It sucks, but it's me.

* If my desk is a mess at work I feel like I'm losing control.

3) I am a feeler and a giver.

* I thrive off of giving to those that I love and feeling needed. I am a cancer--a nurturer by nature of the stars. I thrive off feeling like I can help someone, like I've made a difference in their life. I feed off of this need, it gives me purpose in life.

* I don't think with my brain. I am NOT a rational thinker. I am an emotional feeling type of person. My actions, for the majority of the time, are based off of my emotions. This sometimes makes me a damn lunatic, I'm sure it drives others crazy. I am overly emotional and when that happens I throw all logic out of the window with good reasoning.

This is who I am.

I am a deep thinker. Sometimes I can get lost in my thoughts and stare into space and nothingness. My vision blurs and I will think about anything and everything. Lately when people have been talking to me my mind will wander and they will be talking and talking and I tune them out only to go to my own thoughts. It's mean, but it happens and I can't stop it. I am not a quiet person, but I can be. When I am not lost in my thoughts I am talking a lot. However, if you've caught me at a time when I am drowning in visions and life and "what ifs" I will be rude to you, I will be short with you. How dare you cut into my "me" time.

As the years go by, I learn more about myself. Sometimes, it's surprising. Sometimes, I realize I already kind of had an idea all along. More to come. My mind is in sixth gear and I'm driving 100 mph down the freeway of my thoughts. I can't make it stop.

Well Shit on Me!

**WARNING, this post contains a shit load of curse words. This may not be suitable for some adults**

so STFU.

Do you ever have days where you wake up and you just feel like fucking shit? Where traffic is bad and everyone is driving but it's like they have no where to go at fucking 6:30AM because they are driving like the speed limit is 35? Ok, so what if it's 45 and I'm going 60, you see me in you rear view mirror, so get the fuck out of my way! Ok, don't move and I'll just drive around you. Or what about those days where it seems like you get every single mother fucking red light ever created by dumb assholes? Yeah. Those days where you question your surroundings. Where you're living, where you are working, what you are doing with your life? One of those days where you feel stagnant? Like the world is moving around you but you are stuck in a fucking pool of cement? One of those days where you remember what it was like to be 10-15 pounds lighter and you remember that when you were that weight you still thought you were fat?? WTF?? Or one of those days where you can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with your lazy ass because no matter what you do you can't commit to a work out plan to get rid of the fat on your lumpy ass? One of those days where you are sick of not getting respect, sick of dealing with self-centered assholes who live only for themselves and for no one else? Yeah. One of those days where your bed is too small, your car is too slow, your desk is too messy and your life seems meaningless? One of those days where your cat wakes you up 30 min too early at 4:30AM when the alarm is supposed to go off at 5AM? One of those days where you realize that you are 27 and that there are people younger than you that have made more progress in their lives than you have and it is driving you crazy that you feel you are forever stuck in limbo--waiting and waiting for certain events and things to happen in your life? Ever have one of those days where you stop and ask yourself, "How the fuck did I get here?". Yeah, it's one of those days. So shit on me. Fuckin' A.

Adventures in Shopping

So I'm officially on vacation this week. I'm so happy, I really feel like I needed it. Yesterday I went over to visit my mom. We went shopping because I had a $60 gift card for Macy's that Edgar's parents gave me for my birthday and I was anxious to spend it! I found the best deal on a 12 inch cast iron frying pan and I also found a cast iron grill/griddle both for $14.99!! That's so cheap. A 10 inch at Target is like $20. I also picked up a food slicer for $20. I'm very excited to start using these wonderful kitchen tools. I "seasoned" the frying pan last night and today I will try and "season" the grill.

While my mother and I were at the mall we decided to stop by JCPenney. I was in dire need of new bras. In my mother's words "the bra you have on pushes you down and makes you look flat". Um, hello mom, I have no boobs. I'm a B cup! So I tried on several bras and actually bought some push-up ones. They are very comfortable, but I'm trying to get used to seeing more boobage in the area. Somehow, it doesn't seem fair--I feel like I'm cheating! HAhahaa, oh well, they were on sale and they are comfortable, so we'll see how long it takes for me to get used to my new found boobies. :)

Here's the bra I bought:
Ambrielle Optimum Body Push up Bra

Because it Made Me Laugh.

Definitely For Me!

So last night Edgar and I were flipping through our channels. For some reason our TV pics up signals from our neighbors satellites so sometimes we get to see movies for free. This is a good thing, however if the person who is watching the movie stops it, it stops for us. If the person fast forwards or rewinds, it does the same for us. It's kind of funny, but many times we get caught up in a movie only to have the person who is watching it just turn it off. Last night Edgar and I caught "Definitely, Maybe". This is a movie I had been avoiding because the commercials for it made me think the movie was about a daughter trying to fix up her single parent father and that really did not spark my interest. But last night we happened to change the channel and someone had just started the movie, so we sat and watched it. It turns out, that is really not what the movie is about and believe it or not, I really liked it. Edgar watched the whole thing with me and never said, "man this is such a chick flick". Ryan Reynolds was very charming and Abigail Breslin did a really good job as the inquisitive daughter. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Ryan is such a hottie :) Anyway, the point of this long post is that I really liked the movie--so much so that I would consider buying it. Check it out if you haven't seen it, it's really cute. Oh and I am so excited today!! The cable person is coming out to the apt today to turn our cable back on!!! OH sweet cable, how I've missed you! And to make things even sweeter, Edgar got us a DVR~ YIPPEE we can record shows! YAY!

Wipeout & More Vegan Food!

Today Edgar and I woke up and took off to Huntington Beach to go body boarding. Okay. Yeah, me body boarding. I'm not the athletic type...and never have been, I'm more the crafty, artsy fartsy type of person. But hey, I thought I would give it a try. I'm not going to lie, I was scared out of my arse. I gave it a couple of runs in the water and seriously wiped out several times. It's really scary. The waves basically swallow you and swish you around like you were in a washing machine. It was hard for me not to panic whenever I went under. I think I swallowed a crap load of salt water. Toward the end, I managed to ride a rather big wave and was very proud of myself, but Edgar swears he wishes he had a camera because he said the look on my face was priceless. He said I looked like I knew what I was doing and I rode the wave like a pro, however the look on my face said I was scared shitless--which I really was! After that, I decided to give it a rest and just sat on the beach and enjoyed the sun and the waves. We had a great time!

Fast forward to now, we're back at home and I am exhausted. I just made us some veggie burger patties from....wait for it....wait for it....COSTCO! 14 patties for $10! They are sooooo good. I grilled them and I swear they taste asian inspired. The brand is Don Lee Farms "Veggie Patties" and holy moly. YUMMO x2. They are not in the freezer section, they are in the refrigerated section and I found them at the Costco in Moreno Valley on Day St. From their website it looks like they make some other veggie friendly food products. Check them out!

Don Lee Farms